Comments on: Shhh, the porcini are here but don't say anything

By: Zambo

Zambo — Fri, 23 May 2008 12:29:53 +0000

Thanks for the advice Deety. I thought I would get in a bit of practice on the “look” from the bad leg version prior to our visit in August. So last night while my wife Izzy was preparing supper I got in character. Sit and waite but don’t look too keen. Supper arrived with a flourish rapidly followed by this pearl of wisdom…..You have a face like a well skelpt arse! Whats up do you no like fish?
Maybe the look needs a bit more work.
D’ya think?
CZ

By: Deety

Deety — Thu, 22 May 2008 13:47:28 +0000

Whatâ€™s the secret of finding mushrooms?

Well, the first thing is to go out and look for them.
The second thing is to go out and look for them in places where they grow.

I go to the forest.
There are lots of trees in the forest.

My technique is to walk around the forest and look for mushrooms.
The trick is to look very low, at ground level.
The first time I went I was looking too high.
I didnâ€™t find any that day.

When I see a Mushroom, I walk towards it.
If I am on my own, I bend over and pick it up.

If there is someone with me, I point to it and shout
Mushroom, Mushroom, until the other people see it.
Then I bend over, pick it up and hold it in the air for a few seconds.

Sometimes the mushroom is hiding under some leaves.
It is very difficult to see mushrooms under leaves.

If I see a pile of leaves, I use a stick to move them.
Then I look to see if there is a mushroom hiding there.
Most of the time there isnâ€™t.
So I kick the leaves and carry on looking.

PS: Updated bad leg version

Whatâ€™s the secret of finding mushrooms with a bad leg?

I go to Aristoâ€™s.
There are lots of mushroom hunters at aristoâ€™s

My technique is to sit around the bar and wait for the mushrooms
The trick is not to look keen

The first time I went I was looking too keen.
I paid a fortune for them that day.

By: Zambo

Zambo — Thu, 22 May 2008 11:10:47 +0000

Fantastic Monacu and ahem, I am still laughing. What a hoot! Thanks also to O’C and DB for the original pictures and article which inspired all this wonderful tripe.
BEST,
CUZ
I would still like the Kipper twins to be immortalised in Barganews if pos.

By: ahem

ahem — Wed, 21 May 2008 20:23:57 +0000

There was a young man fond of funghi
Who was also prodigiously hung. He
Stewed them in brandy
Which made him feel randy:
The result was decidedly funky

By: Monacu

Monacu — Wed, 21 May 2008 13:57:56 +0000

Listen Zambo, caro
You better stick to Farro
Too much fungus makes you dizzy
(Remind him of that, Izzy!)

By: Zambo

Zambo — Wed, 21 May 2008 12:24:37 +0000

The plutocrats from L’Osteria,
don’t measure wealth in cent and Lira.
Like their friends from the Altana,
they measure wealth in God’s own Manna.
The Cep, Porcini and Bay Boletus,
A staff ragu or you won’t eat us!

I might go to Spain next year and try the fly, assuming that is that the Spanners sell to tourists.

By: Monacu

Monacu — Tue, 20 May 2008 20:29:50 +0000

Sounds more like culinary plutocracy to me.

By: doggybag

doggybag — Tue, 20 May 2008 19:49:10 +0000

Zambo asked “will I still get my porcini and polenta come August or will this early start herald an early finish to the season?” – have a read of the article again … I have added an update at the end … if this “culinary socialism in action” carries on you might be forced to eat burgers

By: Zambo

Zambo — Tue, 20 May 2008 12:57:49 +0000

The two mushroom hunters pictured here must surely be the dynamic duo of the mountains aka Giacomo Porcini and his faithful manservant Marlboro Boy. If they are they are better known in Scotland as the Kipper Twins. How about an article on the pair of them? These guys must be worth a few column inches or is it column millimetres in Barganews. By the way will I still get my porcini and polenta come August or will this early start herald an early finish to the season?